College football Bottom 10 – Where everybody is a winner, at least once

Inspirational thought of the week:

Maybe someday
I’ll be more together
Stretched by fewer thoughts that leave me
Chasing after my dreams, disown me, loaded with danger
So maybe I’ll win …
Saved by zero
Maybe I’ll win …
Saved by zero

— “Saved by Zero,” The Fixx

Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located behind the Pixar character rental office where they loaned out that red Anger face from “Inside Out” that Nick Saban borrowed for the Alabama–Tennessee game, we are wondering what the heck happened to our numerical BFF. You know, our old pal zero? Cero? Nula? Zewo?

When the final buzzer blared over the last late-night games on Saturday night/Sunday morning and the cigar smoke from Knoxville had finally cleared, we realized that … wait … could it be true?! We’re not even into November yet and there are now no zero-win teams remaining? Nil. Nada. Zilch. It’s the truth, thanks to Colorado’s overtime win over Cal.

It’s weird, right? I mean, sure, we’re used to seeing plenty of 0’s on scoreboards when the clock reads 00:00. We’re accustomed to knowing that zero of our teams will receive bowl berths. We’re plenty familiar with the feeling of knowing the answer when someone asks, “Hey, how many votes did your teams receive in the preseason media polls?” or “How many Bottom 10 teams are playing in prime time on ABC this weekend?” Scratch. Goose egg. Diddly squat.

But then, just as we have given up hope when it comes to ever seeing another zero sum in front of the hyphen and all those losses, a hero rises. A new No. 1 Bottom 10 team. And though it may no longer have a “0-” at the front of its record, its very name steps in to fill the sudden volumeless void.

The Zips.

With apologies to George Plimpton, Damian Lillard and Steve Harvey, here’s the post-Week 7 Bottom 10 rankings.

1. Akronmonious (1-5)

And there was one, as in one remaining #MACtion team with one win. Just three weeks ago, most of the conference fit that description. And then the Zips played Not Eastern Or Western But Central Michigan in the Pillow Fight of the Week Episode VI: The MACtion Menace. And then they were tied with 2:01 to go, with the ball and driving. And then this happened.

INCOOM TO THE RESIDENCE!!🏠@CMU_Football | #MACtion pic.twitter.com/rYVHqFYubx

— #MACtion (@MACSports) October 15, 2022

2. UMess (1-6)

The Minutemen got Buffaloed by the Bulls Not Bills 34-7 and now face the Fightin’ Byes of Open Date U., who have been installed as a six-touchdown favorite.

3. North by Northworstern…