college football bottom 10 week 2 notre dame fighting irish

Inspirational thought of the week:

Woke up this morning my house was cold
Checked out the furnace she wasn’t burnin’
Went out and hopped in my old Ford
Hit the engine but she ain’t turnin’
We’ve given each other some hard lessons lately
But we ain’t learnin’
We’re the same sad story, that’s a fact
One step up and two steps back

— “One Step Up” Bruce Springsteen

Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located in Room 02 on the second floor of a building located at address 0 2nd Street, we find ourselves after Week 2 obsessed with the number two. Like, we are sitting alone at a two-person desk, wearing a Deion Sanders No. 2 Florida State jersey, shakily holding a No. 2 pencil and scribbling on a double roll of two-ply toilet paper our 200-word, two-act play about two-time All-SEC running back Deuce McAllister.

Why such two-facedness? Because after two weeks of across-the-nation play, the long-term candidates for Bottom 10 residency are beginning two, er, I mean, to ease into a second lane of their own. And how do we identify these teams who are singing to a different twoon, er, tune? They are the ones who already have two losses. And of the 134 teams that play FBS football, their number is already down to 18, and all but one of those are 0-2. (No-vada, at 1-2, is out there rolling a lopsided snake eyes after its Week 0 kickoff.)

Now that peloton of two-loss squads heads downhill into Week 3. How many will continue to match losses with the week number like an octogenarian hoping to shoot their age on the golf course? Stay twoned, er, tuned. We already have our No. 3 Joe Montana college jersey at the ready, certainly more ready than his alma mater was for Week 2.

With apologies to Al Toon, Dave Duerson, Washington Huskies twins Jayvon and Armon Parker, Monmouth defensive back Deuce Lee and Steve Harvey, here’s the post-Week 2 Bottom 10 rankings.

The Zips continued their march through the Big Ten, following a season-opening 56-6 loss at Ohio State with a 49-17 defeat at Rutgers. This week they host Colgate, which is good timing because they need someone to help repair all the teeth that were knocked out of their mouths during those first two weeks.

The Owls made their FBS home debut, hosting the Ragin’ Cajuns of Louisiana and losing 34-10. Now they sing, “Do You Know the Way to San José?” as they go West to…